your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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