This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Randomize
