hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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