I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
