Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The air was thick with penises
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
This is my gift to your gina
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
