my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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