I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
