His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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