there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
