walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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