i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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