google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
