i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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