9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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