Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
