Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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