So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
