Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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