i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
