The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
