Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
