Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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