her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
