How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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