you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
