Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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