so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
