I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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