Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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