Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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