it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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