If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
