i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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