The maid of honor just puked.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
