There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize