it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
