dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
