please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
