just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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