You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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