I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
