Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
i now understand why vodka
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
