She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
