rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
