lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
