I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
