If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Are we still banned from the library?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
