How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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