whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
