she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
