Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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