Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
