people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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