Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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