Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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