Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
