Welp...herpes.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
