girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
