and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
