You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
