I got chris browned last night
I smell stomach acid.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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