I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
