we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
What drink are we having for lunch?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
