I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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