My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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