I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Someone came in the potted fern
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
