Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
