It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
