last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Randomize
