hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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