My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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