how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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