He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Less talking, more tequila
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
