If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
