I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
