After last night, I could never be a politician.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Come see our sink grown plant.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
