she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
