I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize