I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
