you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
