Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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