Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Randomize
