Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
