I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize