I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
