my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
