umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
